Years According to Christmas
by gotgoats
Summary: Gibbs' views his life through Christmas.  Angst, hurt, comfort, happiness, all of it.  Set in my UnGibbs Universe.  Merry Christmas!  Rated T for safety.


Disclaimer: Much to my chagrin... I do not, nor never shall, own NCIS. (sigh)

Note: Thanks so much to my amazing beta Headbanger Rockstar, who is my steady rock during the many difficult days of late. Love ya, girl! !

Note: Yes, there is a reason for the raspberries, and yes, there is a Santa Clause... :) "He" is happiness and joy and the ongoing silliness of mistletoe, door to door caroling, and laughter. Please don't forget to smile, and for those who believe, to remember the "reason for the season". If it's politically incorrect, you can shoot me. Lol Happy Hanukah, as well. Just be happy, folks! Life is too short to cry for too long...

#####

Jethro smiled as he put the last gift under the tree. His daughter was getting more presents than she'd ever be able to dream about. His wife dragged him to his feet. She laughed outright at the tin icicles sticking to his hair.

He pulled her closer to him, asking her what she found so funny. Shannon pulled the thin pieces of tin from his hair, putting them over his lip. Cocking her head, she giggled and shook her head. He told had told her before there was a reason he didn't have a mustache.

He reminded her of that reason as his mouth feasted on hers. They went to their room, lovingly celebrating their Christmas privately. They dressed after cuddling, sure that their daughter would be in in just a couple of hours to wake them.

Sure enough, four short hours later, a laughing, running beautiful little brunette landed on the bed. Her parents' jumped as she landed. They'd heard her coming, yet still it wasn't an exact science as to when or where she'd land.

The family had their brief tickle war that they loved to share on Christmas. Kelly raced out of the room, knowing her parent's wouldn't be far behind her. They shared a kiss which grew into a long and hungry one that was broken apart by a shouting child from downstairs.

Jethro smiled and stood, helping his wife up. He whispered that he hoped their love from last night took. She smiled and put her hand over her uterus. She hoped for the same.

#####

The next Christmas found him standing in Arlington, confusion and anger burning through him. His family was gone, and with them, his life. Silence, anger, depression and hate took deep roots within him.

He returned to his house, the silence overwhelming. He turned on the radio, and "I'll be Home for Christmas" caroled through his house. Leroy Jethro Gibbs sank to his knees as he screamed in agony and loss. When his tears ended, he stayed where he was on the floor.

Life wasn't worth it anymore. There was no need to get up. There was no need to breathe, to eat, to rise. His phone rang, and out of habit, he answered it.

A man he barely knew offered him information about his family's killer and a job. Revenge began to burn within him. Under the flame of revenge, a tiny spark of life began. It was not yet hope, but it was better than coldness and death.

#####

The next year found him dating a woman just to have someone in his life. He wasn't entirely sure of how to break it off, so he married her. That's what she'd been hinting at, anyway. Perhaps getting married would end his depression for the holiday.

By the next Christmas, he knew he'd screwed the pooch on this one. His depression was as bad as ever. Perhaps worse, and now he had dragged his wife into it. She wanted to accept every invitation to every party sent, and have one or two herself. He wanted to hide in his basement and not go.

The fighting began, and it got worse. The next Christmas found him sitting with a manila envelope before him on his coffee-table. Divorce papers. Citing "irreconcilable differences". He couldn't argue with her. Hell, he was irreconcilable with himself these days.

He signed the last paper. He'd mail them once the post office was open again. Maybe even take them to her lawyer himself. The woman deserved more. Someone who could love her. He obviously couldn't. He'd tried and failed.

#####

The next couple of years found him traveling. Travel was easy. He wasn't home much over the holidays. They were easier to ignore when he had a target.

The only problem was a woman. His probie. She was red-headed, attractive, and had let him know she was attracted. He spent Christmas in her arms, and intended on making her his forever. He intended to propose, but she had other ideas.

"Dear Jethro..." ended with "Your Jenny". His next wife was simply on the rebound. He ruined only one of her Christmases. He spent the next in silence, going to Arlington, sitting on the cold, wet ground until he was sure his legs were incapable of moving.

"Hey, Probie!" Mike Frank's voice rang out in the silence. "Get up. My son's dating this woman, brought her to dinner." He shrugged. "She made it, anyway. My boy wants to see you. Been askin' how ya are." Jethro looked at him blankly. "Get up, son. Come on."

Even though his legs argued, he stood and followed his boss. That evening, he met someone who would figure largely in his life. She was a beauty from the Arabic nations. And could she cook. His friend was one lucky man.

#####

Another year passed before he married again. He thought he'd gotten better. He thought he had worked out his issues. Not even close.

He determined then that he'd never marry again. Years passed, and while he dated, he slept with many of his dates, but the words "I love you" never passed his lips.

Kate died. He was caught in thoughts of how he had loved her and never told her. This love was different. He never saw her as a potential date, but as a daughter. He felt as if he'd lost another child. He'd tell Abby about how he saw her at some time. His other little girl needed to know.

His world was rocked when he walked into MTAC. For there stood the woman he'd last loved. And she was his boss.

Their relationship was rocky, to say the best. They were as close as they had been mentally, and even emotionally. But they fought and bickered, not realizing the other loved just as much.

He spent several Christmases with Tony at his side. They had developed their own traditions over the years, and his heart began to crack off the ice that had coated it. Tony became his son in every way that mattered. And he could admit it to himself.

Then came her death. Her untimely death. And he crawled back into the cave he'd created. His heart crawled to the back of his self-made cave, lit a fire, tanned a few hides, and growled whenever anyone would try to enter.

He started to growl at Abby and Tony when they came to check on him. But then he heard her in his head. She was telling him off for being mean to their children. So after two cups of coffee, he went back and talked to them again.

######

Years passed. Years in which he found happiness again. Tim and Abby married and had a baby, Ziva adopted, he met a young single mother and her son. He adopted them into his family of love. But the best miracle of his life sat across from the table from him. Her hair was turning white to match his, her face had wrinkles, but they only added to her beauty.

Laugh lines around her eyes made her beautiful eyes stand out. The weathered lines to her cheeks spoke of days gardening, playing outside with their children and grandchildren. Of days at flea markets snooping around with her husband.

He loved those days. The days when he got to watch her and find little trinkets that held her fascination. He'd stopped asking her years ago what she wanted for birthdays and Christmas. He just kept a healthy supply of baubles back for her. She did the same for him.

Their children had all chipped in to send them out for dinner. It was a restaurant they loved, but didn't visit often, only because the prices were high. They sat completely stuffed, smiling over cups of coffee and sharing a slice of cheesecake.

Twenty four years of marriage hadn't dimmed her beauty at all. If anything, she was more beautiful by the day. She commented on how they'd get home to some ungodly mess, and he laughed. It was a frightening thing to leave their children alone. Especially in their house.

He stood and took her hand, leading her to the dance floor. Other couples were out, enjoying Christmas Eve's sights and sounds. While most were the ages of their grandchildren, they spotted another couple who were near their ages. The couples had nodded to one another, all of them with laughter in their eyes.

Jethro counted his 80 years by the joys he'd found. The joys of his family, the joys of friends he'd made, even the joys in remembering his beloved Shannon and Kelly. The joy of bringing criminals to justice. The joy of being with the woman he loved. The joy of waking beside her, the joys of falling asleep listening to her quiet breathing.

As if she could read his thoughts, she whispered her happiness to him. He smiled, his laugh lines growing deeper. She loved this boyish smile of his. The one that Jack had shown her in pictures from his childhood, the one that had stayed the same in his years with Shannon and Kelly, and that he had found once again with her.

Later that evening, they lay cuddled in their bed. Their heartbeats were slowing to their usual rates once again. They laughed over things their grown children would cover their ears and gripe about. That got them to laughing harder until they were up and headed to the kitchen for coffee.

If they were going to be up, they may as well have coffee and a crossword. With his glasses perched on the end of his nose, he told her the clues as she made coffee, and together they solved the puzzle. When they finally headed to bed again, it was nearing dawn.

Their children and their families would be arriving in a few short hours. Jethro spooned behind her, his arm tightening around her as she laced her fingers in his. Both drifted off, not aware of the spirits that watched them.

Shannon and Jenny smiled gently to one another as Kelly tiptoed over and looked down at her father. She turned back to her mother and friend.

"We don't have to take him, do we?" Shannon shook her head.

"No, Sweetie. We're just here to visit." Kelly smiled as she turned back to her daddy.

"I miss you, but thank you for all of my brothers and sisters." She kissed his cheek and returned to her mother. Jack stood to their side, a wide smile on his face. He'd known that woman would be good for his son. He'd just not realized how good she'd be.

Jenny wiped away a tear. She felt a bit off until Kelly wrapped her arms around her. They were indeed part of one loving family, all joined by the man now snoring in his wife's ear. They watched in amusement as she turned in her sleep, moving him onto his back with a gentle push. His head flopped to the side, and he was quiet. Lydia sighed, never waking, and sank into a deeper sleep.

The sun rose, and Jethro yawned. He began to wake, and his movement woke his wife. She looked at the clock, told him to get a life, and rolled over, going back to sleep. He chuckled and curled into her again, letting her stick her chilly feet on him. How they could get cold under the covers he'd never know. But he'd not wish for anything else. His life was perfect, just as it was.


End file.
